Kill Me Slowly So I Learn My Lesson
by Royal Amphitrite
Summary: Todoroki Enji is abusive, narcissistic, selfish, oblivious, and ignorant. He forgets to care about his children, he mistreats his wife and he distorts the meaning of a Hero so awfully it's become unrecognizable. Todoroki Enji is all these things and more, but most of all, he is human.


Todoroki Enji believes that any and every living thing that includes at least one _atom _of humanity within it- is selfish. He believes this with every fiber of his being.

Selfishness is not necessarily a bad thing, in itself. If society accepted selfishness, did not look down upon those with a strong sense of greed- selfishness would be a normal and widely accepted emotion and trait.

It would be expected and understood; never would it be liked.

Such as a child wetting their sheets during sleep, or a girl turning down a confession because the feelings are not returned.

People judge each other for this, even dislike that person themselves simply because they made the action, but those people were never named evil. They were not deemed _bad_.

And so, Enji confidently carried himself as a regular person. A person disliked by ones that knew him because of the abnormal amount of selfishness that drenched his personality.

No bother, Enji did not dally in the opinions of others.

His pride forbids him so.

* * *

Todoroki Enji was three years old when his mother threw a beer bottle at his head.

Of course, the bottle was glass and so it split into many shards, giving him scars that did not fade away until almost a decade later. Some remained.

Enji barely remembered the incident, but the pain, the emotion of pure terror he felt as the bottle was hurled towards him, has branded his memories.

His mother would slap him at the most random instances, leave him unconscious due to the force of a kitchen pan, and disallowed him from eating for a day or two if she felt he disrespected her.

And yet, late at night, when he laid awake on his bed, unable to go to sleep; She would creep into his room, let her weight sink into his mattress, and softly comb her fingers through his lava red locks, pressing thin lips against his forehead and mumbling soft words.

His mother was a drunk, a whore, an ambitious wanna-be vocal artist-her only claim to fame; her biological and bastard son.

The woman had gotten it on with a man dressed in black, a man she knew withheld money.

_He'd surely buy her fame._

This was what his mother thought as she metaphorically and literally kissed his arse. She'd degrade herself to the very bone in order to get what she wanted out of him, Enji respected this about his mother the most.

Enji supposed this is where he got his determined attitude from, he had only that to thank her for.

Yes, his mother was strong, stronger than most. But she was also _stupid_.

To place your every want, your every ambition in a man you did not know or trust. Expecting just because you bore his child, he would worship you?

Enji laughs at the very thought of his mother, in his older age.

Determination only led you so far, intelligence was truly your savior.

At the age of ten, Enji's father swiped him from the claws that were his mother and claimed him as his son.

He left the woman high and dry, no second thoughts, no feelings attached.

"My son has shown great potential, I will be claiming him and taking on guardian rights."

"Fine, but what about my money? Our engagement? Or that producer you'd said would give me a contract. When is it happening?"

His father had sighed, playing with the cuffs of his sleeves. "I'm afraid all of it has fallen through."

"…_what?_"

"My apologies. I do hope you live a prosperous life, don't worry about Enji, he's in good hands-"

"You promised! I want what you _promised_!"

"Sometimes promises need to be broken." His father ends it.

"You bastard!"

* * *

Enji admired his father more than his mother, the man's intelligence was used well, and his ambitions already accomplished.

Todoroki Enji started to realize his father was weak at the age of eleven.

The man, although rich, whined to his work partners, didn't know how to manage his money, and told Enji not to use his quirk because it was _dangerous_.

The man said that his quirk was merely something to show off. Not to use. Not to manipulate. You could compare his quirk to that one, plastic-wrapped five-thousand-dollar couch sitting in the living room surrounded by white carpet and white walls, and you can't sit on it because it's for _show_.

Enji scoffed at the order; '_dangerous_'? Fire was not dangerous unless you didn't know how to use it.

Enji would most definitely learn how to use it.

His father was also critically ill, somewhere along the way he'd attained HIV. It wasn't long before the man was confined to a medical bed, the pills he was given colliding with his quirk and doing absolutely nothing to slow the process down.

Enji refused to ever turn out like his father, a man who had accomplished all he wanted and was still pathetic.

At this same age, age of eleven years, Enji became familiar with heroes.

He'd been watching T.V., bored and at wits end, when the news channel cut off the program and sent an emergency broadcast. There had been an attack in Tokyo, and a hero, a woman hero with black hair and an amazing physically enhancing quirk saved over three thousand people.

This woman, she was a hero, a _true _hero….

The epitome-the very _sign_ of true strength.

Back then, there were no strong heroes-heroes worth looking at. But Enji saw the potential of the occupation, the ability to exert your true strength.

The chance to become the best version of yourself, the face of strength and ambition.

He would be the strongest hero of them all.

* * *

Todoroki Enji would like to call himself determined.

During his teen years, Enji pushed himself until he coughed up blood and his muscles refused to hearken.

He made his own training regiment, one that included no boundaries, no rules. His limit was his limit.

Enji was still unsure of where he was going, all he knew was that he would be a hero, that was he'd ever worked towards.

When Enji was shy of seventeen he was informed he would be betrothed.

His father excused it by claiming Enji owed him a legacy, that because of 'image'. Enji needed to marry a pretty girl with a strong quirk.

In all honesty, Enji was angry, at first. Not because he cared about _love_; no that was ridiculous, Enji cared because the decision was taken from him. Whether he cared about marriage was irrelevant to the fact that the last person Enji wanted making life decisions for him was his father.

Enji refused at first, but once the old bastard started begging, Enji decided he could compromise.

Having a strong heir, a strong wife, it would power his journey into becoming number one, and Enji was never the one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

He could get a strong wife easily, with his power and influence.

* * *

At seventeen Enji had set goals for himself. He would marry a strong woman, with a wealthy background, and he would be number one in Japan. Working towards it wasn't difficult, everything was set up to fall where it needed to, and Enji was confident.

He would thrive.

Todoroki Enji learns, of course, nothing ever works out the way you want it to.

Enji gets older, the old man kicks the bucket (which was for the best, in the end), and he'd married a soft-spoken woman with a quirk conflicting his; ice.

Cold, sharp, enveloping and dangerous ice that Enji personally believed did not belong to the right person. Although, she was a…_change_ from the normal person. Like walking outside after being inside the house for hours on end and being hit with evergreen and chemical-free scented air.

Her soft personality calmed him down, at first. Her careful touches, the admiration in her gaze. Rei's shyness was nauseating, but her determination wasn't half bad. The woman refused to hate him, she refused to keep him as a stranger.

'_The man I am married to is not a stranger, he is not my enemy, he is my husband._'

Enji would only sneer at her backbone, but she was interesting. A flower that blooms in the spring and dies in the fall. A fleeting beauty.

Enji holds off on impregnating her, he wants to be number one first. His legacy could wait.

But obstacles say otherwise, and Enji is left with nothing but plan B.

A man, an American blonde man with an overly powerful sense of justice and ear achingly heroic voice pops up on the scene. This outsider climbs the ranks faster then what Enji felt was the speed of light and the fiery male is _furious_.

This greedy American claims justice and smiles and _peace _and Enji calls bull. Every hero was the same, looking for fame, looking for approval, looking for something. This man claims he is finding peace? Happiness? Justice?

_Justice?_ Enji almost chokes on his own hysterical and overwrought anger. This man did not provide justice. He was no stronger than Enji-he _was not_.

There came a time where Endeavor and All Might come to a standoff. They were both at fighting for number one, and one misstep, or one leap, could cause the other to reach the dream both had wanted.

Enji is dormant at number two.

* * *

Todoroki Enji is bitter and burning and boiling and nothing could ever change that.

Anyone should agree; that they would be angry if they spent almost their entire lives putting their soul and body into one ambition, and then when it seems that person could reach their goal, someone new, someone everyone thinks is better, reaches it first.

It feels as if the man stole a part of him.

And Enji was _going_ to steal it back.

He is reluctant to turn towards plan B. He is discontent with winning through someone else. Whether or not that someone was his own flesh and blood.

But life leaves him no other options. His hands are on the table and the only thing to grab is number two.

Well, this will not do.

Enji would trip over himself, he would step down if only to raise an heir that would cause them _both _to win.

Enji would sacrifice his goal.

He would not his ambition.

* * *

Todoroki Enji, if anyone asked, would say he only truly loved one of his children.

This child was named Todoroki Touya.

It was unfair to his other children, really. Touya had caught him off guard, he was his first, and nothing ever felt like your first. Enji didn't expect his first baby to be so…_attractive_. Enji felt an attachment to Touya the moment he held him.

Yes, it was unfair. But if there was one thing Enji equally taught to each of his offspring; it was that life is unfair.

Touya was born in the winter- he was a particularly difficult pregnancy. And was a difficult birth. Rei had been tortured with swollen feet and extreme back pain. She never blamed the baby; she only blamed her own body.

Enji's first child was born prematurely, which if he were being honest, rattled him more than it had needed to.

The man had been in his study, looking over crime cases that police never did a proficient job at solving, and he'd heard a clang in the kitchen.

It was loud and aggravating and he'd yelled, "_What the hell was that_?!"

Not very smart, as someone could've broken in or some other but excuse him, he was still young.

When there was no response, Enji had grunted and lifted himself from his chair, stomping towards the kitchen with his hands fisted.

As he came to the opening in the door, ready to confront Rei, he was surprised by the sight of her leaning over the counter, eyes scrunched and veins bulging under stretched skin, a pot with steaming vegetables forgotten on the ground.

"…Rei?" He's quiet now, hesitant to step closer. He is unsure of what to do.

The woman looks at him, breathing labored, "_the baby_."

Enji had been completely unprepared, he'd left the workings of pregnancy to Rei and the housewife, but the housewife had quit, and it was late at night, and Enji had been _slightly overwhelmed _because the baby was _two months early_.

_(And Touya had been fucking up since he was in the womb, hadn't he?)_

Enji rushed Rei into the car and sped towards the hospital. He did not ask Rei how she was feeling; he did not offer a pillow or water, he only knew to take her to the professionals.

When Rei was rushed away by doctors, Enji had nothing to do but sit in a waiting chair and wait.

He had the small inkling of a doubt that Touya wouldn't make it. Enji hoped his first child would be powerful, so powerful that he would not have to go through this whole process more than once.

Enji was not one to support, he checked in at times, sometimes he knocked sense into Rei if she started panicking, sometimes he fussed towards the doctors. Waiting for hours on end while his wife went through what seemed like unnecessary bouts of pain (which caused an unnecessary hindrance for everyone) was such a stressful and tedious ordeal.

But, after a long, _long _process, Enji was able to hold his first child.

The boy was underweight, scrawny looking and red. He was the farthest thing from _cute _Enji had ever seen.

Rei was smiling at the thing, tired-looking and ragged, but she adored the boy and it was _disgusting_. Still, Enji wanted a good look at him, and so he held out his hands and demanded the baby was given to him. Enji supposed he'd have to tone his heat down, as the baby was crying in Rei's cold embrace, Enji assumed the boy would hate extreme temperatures.

Except, when handed over into his arms (at Rei's reluctance) the baby instantly quieted down.

As Enji stared into his son's eyes, looked into his dazzling cerulean orbs, and watched his tiny, scrubby fingers try to claw at his crimson strands, Enji felt a type of something he'd never felt before.

Enji had a tiny hope that _for sure_ this little thing would do it, this little thing would achieve everything and more.

Enji doesn't know if it really was love, but he knew he cared enough to care, and so Enji would call it that.

"He seems to like your heat," Rei murmured, watching the man and son quietly.

"What should we name him?"

Touya was the only child Enji ever named, the only one Enji ever cared about naming.

"_Touya. Todoroki Touya."_

* * *

Todoroki Enji would admit he was less than average at being a father.

Although he was more of a father than his own had been, in his opinion.

Enji didn't hit as hard, didn't push as hard, at first. Time spent with Touya had been the child pestering him, and Enji ignoring the boy. At times the man would praise him for being advanced with math or applying patience to his everyday life.

Enji left the caretaking to Rei.

At age three, Touya's quirk manifested.

Enji was ecstatic.

During a nightmare, according to Rei, a blue fire emitted from Touya's hands. The accident completely destroyed the child's room, almost killing the live-in workers staying in the room or two next doors.

Rei had been able to calm the boy down before casualties, a slice of fear in her eyes in worry of Enji's reaction, but the fear was unneeded. Enji had been pleased with his first son's quirk.

The flames came naturally at fire's highest heat, something Enji could only achieve when using his power move, Hellfire.

Yes, Touya's quirk was decent, but it wasn't what he wanted, and Enji decided it was time to conceive another child.

Touya would be a backup plan, in case all his other children would be failures. Touya was the next best choice, and so Enji took it upon himself to teach the emergency child how to work his emergency quirk.

Enji didn't start until the child was seven, slacking because he didn't want to put all his effort into a side quest. Fuyumi had been born by then, and Rei pregnant with Natsuo.

_(Rei did not put up much a fight after their second child, she seemed to finally understand Enji did not care if her body was worn or tired, she was merely a mystery machine and Enji was inserting ticket after ticket trying to win the grand prize.)_

The red-haired child was Enji's test subject for many things. Enji pushed Touya to his limits for his son's benefit and his own.

Enji admittedly stopped being careful and started being careless, over the years. Touya attained severe bruises, incorrectly healed fractures, 3rd-degree burns, etc.; but the boy had to _learn_. His wife, his kids-they didn't understand how lucky Touya was. To be pushing his limits and at least have someone there by his side, helping and guiding him through it.

Enji didn't have any of that.

The father gave Touya treats and compliments when the boy accomplished what he needed to, it wasn't Enji's fault those situations did not occur often.

Some would call Enji cruel, some were opinionated, babying buffoons.

Enji was being supportive, if not aggressively- and _yes_, Touya had a fragile body since birth, _yes_ he attained his mother's weak-minded complex, but Enji's job as a father was to help Touya overcome his weaknesses.

Enji could justify his actions all he'd like; some just wouldn't understand.

_(and maybe Enji couldn't decide whether the hate of being constantly misunderstood or the hate of wanting other's approval so addictively; festered more)_

* * *

Todoroki Enji had never felt such dullness in his entire life.

Fourth-baby, same process; Enji is determined, he is patient, he is bored.

He stares at his newest chance, gooey and wet and Enji was _tired of seeing repulsive newborns_.

This one, a male, born in January, named Shouto _(courtesy of Rei and Touya)_ has the strangest and most unpractical colored hair Enji had ever seen.

And that's including the ugly mixture of red and white that is Fuyumi's hair.

The baby also has red and white hair except the slick, damp strands sticking to his forehead are symmetrically split down the middle of his head. Enji truly, with every fiber of his being, feels pity for this child. He'd allow the kid to die his hair, in the future.

Enji hasn't held one of his children since Touya, and this stays true, but Enji instead lightly rubs the tip of his pointer finger over the left side of Shouto's head.

With that, Enji leaves the rest to the nurses, walking out of the prepared birth room and bellowing at Nine-year-old Touya, Six-year-old Fuyumi, and Four-year-old Natsuo to immediately go back to their rooms or else they will face severe punishment.

The message is completely understood and Enji is content with the peace he feels.

A warm welcome, compared to the frustration and anxiousness that possess his body year after year as he grows older.

* * *

Todoroki Enji was not uncaring, he was simply oblivious.

Everything seemed…_normal_.

Enji worked, Rei raised, kids behaved.

Everything was normal until it wasn't.

Enji is walking to his office, coming home early from a particularly easy mission, and is eagerly jumping on the paperwork so it doesn't become bothersome later.

He hears hushed whispers, fierce and almost angry, Enji is going to ignore it but,

"You're such an _idiot_!"

He almost steps in because Fuyumi _never _yells. Enji plays it off because she's in that awkward stage between being a child and a teenager. _(Enji remembers the fact from a parenting magazine he glazed over while waiting during Rei's first labor; he turned it to ashes after reading page one.)_

"Thank you for being the one-hundred thousandth person to inform me."

Touya's sarcasm is familiar, a semi-new development. Not a very appreciated one-Enji had hoped Touya understood his disapproval through his methods' in last week's training session.

"Do you think this is funny?! What if he finds out, _huh_?!"

The yelling is causing a headache and Enji is going storm in. He will not tolerate him having ignorance of things going on in his own household.

"He'll do the same thing he's done for the past thirteen years of my life."

Enji stays silent. He doesn't make an outrage when he walks in. It seems to startle them badly, more than when he ever raises his voice.

Enji decides not to give his energy to these children, he's stoic as he processes the situation. His flaming beard had not yet appeared, Enji sees their eyes simultaneously glance at his jawline and then relax in response. This calms them, he notes.

Enji remembers Rei is sleeping leisurely in the bedroom and has to remind himself what she's good for.

The man scans his eyes over the situation and notices Fuyumi is doing her best to block his vision of Touya _(and her best is quite pathetic, considering her height)_ who is cupping his right ear with a trembling hand.

"What is this?" Enji wants an explanation.

Fuyumi is gagging on her own words, mouth stuttering open, it will never start; she smacks her lips closed forcefully.

Touya speaks up. "Nothing, old man."

Enji gives him a heated glare. "Your teenage rebellion is getting old at an insane rate. Since you seem to love to use that mouth of yours, would you explain to me the situation?"

Touya blinks, his gaze aiming downward before he meets his father's gaze again, slumping once blue meets blue.

Fuyumi has quietly crept off to the side, hands interlocked.

"I burned myself- had a terror while taking a nap. Sorry."

It's obviously a lie, Enji may not be buddies with his children, but he knows their reactions, their expressions. He knows their personalities.

Touya is staring at the wall behind Enji, his fingers are clenching and then unclenching, and he's sniffling without reason. Giving himself an unconscious excuse to scratch the bridge of his nose.

It's silent, for a moment. Enji is thinking over the best was to get his point across without it taking long.

Enji is over on the other side of the room in seconds, his purposely scorching hand is ripping Touya's wrist away from his ear and a pain-soaked scream cuts open the tense silence.

The adult has his thumb and pointer finger on either side of Touya' ear lobe, burning the wound crisp.

Touya's screaming is irritating, the boy has taken worse pain, but Enji withstands it because Touya has to learn his lesson.

He drops his hand after what feels like hours and Touya slouches against the wall as he hurriedly grasps his ear with both hands. Hissing when his fingers make contact.

Fuyumi, who was gaping in shock, has now ran to aid her older brother. Fretting over him and attempting to create ice.

Enji narrows his eyes and growls as he grips her hand tightly. Fuyumi gasps; Enji assumes its form surprise and not pain, as his grip is not strong nor hot enough to hurt.

"No, let him suffer," he orders, loosening his hold, "it's his punishment for lying. And the burn is for even _thinking_ getting a piercing is acceptable."

Enji considers Touya might have known it was disallowed, and it makes him angrier.

Enji was constantly fighting a battle in his own house, and though he always won, he was tired.

"Extra hour of training tomorrow." He adds out of spite.

Enji is so clouded by anger and offense, that he does not think as to why Touya would want to disrespect him in the first place.

* * *

Todoroki Enji would tell you Shouto manifesting his quirks was the best moment of his life.

But he's not going to because Enji is still waiting for the time that they will beat All Might. He knows that the moment would top any and every other good moment he's had in his life.

They were eating dinner, Enji, and Rei at each end of the table. Usually, meals together were quiet, and if talking did happen, it was murmurs and stifled giggles at the side of the table Rei sat.

Which included Touya and Natsuo. Fuyumi usually played with her food, at times she whispered in Touya's ear if she was in a good mood.

Shouto was always the quietest, he was always at a loss when it came to his siblings. They were all much older than him, and so Shouto never connected with them on the same level as they were able to connect to each other.

Although Natsuo might have had the same problem when it came to Touya, the two were a whole six years apart.

The one person Shouto could ever equally connect with, was the one person he bickered the most with.

Touya and Natsuo were partners in crime when it came to rebellion, Fuyumi and Touya had the twin bond, and Fuyumi and Natsuo had a big sister little brother thing going on.

Shouto barely knew his sister, he admired Touya _(who adored him in return, much to Natsuo's chagrin)_ but Natsuo and Shouto were always at each other's heads.

Shouto had been struggling to pick up a noodle with his chopsticks, tiny hands grasping each side of the wood's length.

Natsuo had forgotten his manners and was talking animatedly to Touya and Fuyumi, grinning as his arms flopped around without control.

Touya was laughing along, watching intently while Fuyumi gave delicate smile. Eyes nervously flickering between her brother and Enji.

Shouto was opening his mouth wide as he finally picked up a small portion of noodles, looking akin to a yawning kitten. The food had almost reached his mouth when Natsuo's right hand flew a _little _to far.

The back of the older boy's hand collided with Shouto's own, and the force caused the sticks to fly out of Shouto's hand, falling sadly onto the floor.

Fuyumi grimaced.

For a moment, Shouto was staring at his hand, before he glanced at the chopsticks before he glanced Natsuo.

Shouto narrowed his eyes and turned slightly in his chair, calling Natsuo as his tiny hands tightly grasped his Soba bowl.

"_Hey_…" He started, he was ignored, Natsuo's grin was glued to his face as he continued to rant.

Shouto gritted his teeth. "Hey!"

Everyone turned their eyes towards him, and Natsuo's words slowed into a small murmur. He blinked and gave Shouto his attention.

"What is it, sweetie?" Rei asked her youngest.

Shouto frowned, staring straight at Natsuo. "Natsuo! Say sorry!"

The boy scoffed, "for what?"

Shouto pointed to the food left on the floor.

"And?"

"You knocked it out of my hand!" Shouto whined.

Natsuo rolled his eyes. "Well, you should've held it tighter, man."

Fuyumi gave her brother a warning look. Natsuo raised his hands in defense. "_What_? He's gotta learn accidents happen. He can't whine about everything."

"Yes, but you did hit his hand. Just apologize, 'suo." Fuyumi ordered.

"No." Natsuo crossed his arms defiantly.

Shouto gripped his bowl tighter, no one realized his left hand was smoking, or that his right hand was frosting over.

"Say it!" The toddler yelled, his usual nonchalant facial expression distorted into one of anger.

Natsu, only seven and childish, poked his tongue out as his little brother fumed. "_No_."

Rei scolded Natsuo quietly.

Shouto didn't respond for a moment, his nostrils flared, his heart pounding. His brother was so _rude_. Shouto could feel his emotions build up, could feel tears steadily fill under his eyelids.

Natsuo couldn't even be nice. He looked pretty, he could talk to everyone, Touya didn't baby him, Fuyumi liked him; Natsuo had _everything_. He should feel _bad _for Shouto.

"_**I hate you!" **_

Half of the bowl in Shotuo's hands crumbled to ashes, the noodles black and on fire. The other half shattered into ice dipped crystals, miniature snowflakes running along with the meal.

"_Cool_…" Natsuo would say if the hurt blooming in his chest wasn't as consuming.

Another tense, shocked filled moment-and then Enji laughed.

He laughed so unbelievably hard he had to grasp the edge of the table and lean over himself, his family members watching in confusion mingled with fear as he hit his chest, choking on his own spit and trying to cough it out.

"…This is wonderful." He managed, sitting back in his chair as he stared at Shouto with proud amazement.

Rei's face contradicts his words, she looks sick to her stomach, fingers gripping her chopsticks so tightly her knuckles were white.

Fuyumi is weary. Her chair inched away from the table as she glares at Shouto's hands, said boy pays her no attention.

Touya is sad, he is drooping, he is internally sighing because this meant so many things. None of them good.

Shouto stared back, eyes wide, mouth dropped. His hands were shaking.

"What a good boy you are Shouto."

* * *

Todoroki Enji is not a monster. He is simply ignorant.

Enji thinks things have settled.

Until they haven't.

Enji is practicing raising his limits for his use of Hellfire-when a screech and agonized crying is echoed throughout the residence.

The man can hear the kettle running hot, and rushes to where he hears the commotion with his mindset turning into something he knows instinctually. _Is there an attack?_

Enji slides into the room, dressed in jogging pant and a T-shit and he has his fire activated, ready to defend when-

Shouto is curled up into a ball on the floor, Touya hovering over him protectively as Fuyumi and Natsuo watch from the sidelines.

Fuyumi sporting obnoxious crocodile tears and Natsuo seeming grim, fangs digging into his lower lip until Enji could see a tooth go straight through.

"What did you do…?" A whiplash of red.

"Mom, _**what did you do**_!" Touya is hollering, now holding Shouto close to his chest as he whispers soothing words in the younger boy's ear.

"I thought-_he looked so much like_…"

"Shut up, just-" Touya's voice cracked. "I'm so sorry Shouto, it was supposed to be me, not you-it was supposed to…."

"_Mommy!_" Shouto is whimpering and heaving and begging. He's asking what he did wrong. He's saying sorry.

Everything was _fine _just yesterday. Rei was _sane_, Shouto had finished training without much injury…

Enji drags a large hand across his face and asks himself yet again why this was happening. When did it get here? Any of it?

He comes up with a non-existent answer.

The fire kicks in a little late but its there and Enji takes action.

Why would Rei do this? She could've caused everything to go down the drain, did she _fee_l like having him put himself upon her to conceive another four children?

There was a pummeling _fear _rising in his chest. This incident reminds him that there is a world of threats, threats that want to harm his ambition. Enji would protect Shouto with all his power, even if Shouto has to be protected from himself. Enji cannot risk loss. _(a very small part of Enji's head is telling him some of this anger stems from something personal; Enji hates himself)._

The fear, as always, is being driven into anger and Enji's fire burns a little brighter.

Rei had been showing signs of unstableness, but Enji assumed it was typical depression. He didn't expect for her to break and hurt her own child, especially the child she seemed to shower with the most attention.

What a hazard, she is.

"You failure of a woman!," because a woman doesn't harm her child, " How stupid are you, I knew I should have gotten rid of you…"

The woman is in the way, Enji reasons, and so he backhands her and she slams into the kitchen stove, whimpering. The smack of flesh is loud, and Fuyumi cries harder.

Enji is walking closer to Shouto, already dialing the number of his family doctor, "Do you know how important he is! You could have ruined everything with your idiocy!" He complains at nothing, shaking his head in disapproval as he stuffs the phone back in his pocket. The doctor knows the situation and is on her way.

He sees Touya hold Shouto tighter, blocking him. A feral look in his eyes as he stares Enji down.

"Move." Enji commands.

Touya does no such thing.

Enji narrows his eyes and growls, grasping Touya by the hair and throwing him to the side. "I said _move_!"

Touya groans from his place on the floor as Enji crouches and forcefully grasps Shouto's chin, tugging his head upwards so he can view the damage.

"Shit." Enji's eyes run over the bubbling red skin and drops the boy's head, cursing under his breath.

He still can't remember when it got here.

* * *

Todoroki Enji is definitely human, as he has fallen into something so human-like; denial.

Enji finally recognizes the signs, everything gets worse and he sees it happen.

He sends Rei to a mental hospital because she's _sick_. It feels nice, too. No more nagging about Shouto's training, no more insolence.

Shouto only gets angrier.

Fuyumi is quieter, and for an entire year, everyone thinks she'd gone mute. Her sentences had gotten progressively shorter, down to one word. Four, on a good day. She didn't start talking again until twelve.

Enji hadn't cared, he has no business with the girl anyways. As long as she doesn't act so retarded in public it's irrelevant.

Natsuo only gets ruder. He holds no respect towards Enji and isn't afraid to show it. Enji often has to remind him to hold his tongue, he can't do too much damage. Natsuo has no training and their family doctor refuses to heal severe injuries that mysteriously come from some unknown accident.

Touya goes out more often, gets tattoos, piercings, buys cigarettes, that stink up the house so awfully. Enji takes a burning cigarette right out of the boy's mouth once and shoves it in his eye. He tells Touya if he catches them in the house, or even a scent in his clothes, he'll burn him with something worse.

He tells the doctor it's a training wound, the doctor says nothing, only heals the boy. There were no qualms, and so Enji was pleased.

Enji doesn't forget that Touya is plan B, he spends most of his time with Shouto. But he dedicates five hours a week to improve Touya; the boy will not have wasted potential.

Enji knows that somewhere inside Touya, forgetting all his complaints and snark words, he enjoys it. The shining in his eyes when Enji congratulates him on progress says so.

Touya was sixteen, a few shy months from being seventeen.

It was a Wednesday, and Wednesday was a training day. Touya was working on improving his resilience and defense. Control was the main goal, in all of this.

The boy had a freeform quirk, it was hard to control, and it wasn't very helpful the Touya's body was made to sustain colder temperatures.

So far, Touya could only use his hands and feet to manipulate his quirk.

Control was most important; after they got past that, the possibilities were endless.

Enji was currently shooting fireball after fireball towards Touya, not letting up, not slowing down.

Touya was screaming, he was having a hard time burning fire. He'd be able to destroy five balls, but during that time two others would damage him.

The boy was weakening, Enji could tell. Touya was kneeling on the ground, blue fire swirling around him brilliantly, red and orange tinting it.

"Dad_, please_! Stop!" He was begging, tears might have been there, but the heat was drying it out.

Enji sent his attacks harder. His son would not be a weakling, he was meant to be more.

"Fight it, son! Fire with fire!" He encouraged, pushing his quirk onto the boy.

"I," Touya screamed as fire hit him from the side, "…_can't_!"

The word made him angry, and so Enji pushed harder.

His red faded to blue, and Hellfire pounded through his veins.

Fuyumi was peeking her head out from the door towards the back of the training room, Natsuo, of course, was with her, smashing his face against the glass window.

"You should stop…" Fuyumi murmured; she was not heard.

Enji would feel the palms of his hands protest against the heat of his fire, he could feel them start to burn. He did not stop. Only roared in defiance. _Touya_-Touya was something great, he would be. He could do this. He _needed to do this_.

Touya's screeches became louder, his own blue flames, slightly brighter than Enji's, became weaker.

"Either fight it or embrace it, Touya! Do it now!" Enji was telling him what to do, why couldn't Touya do _one thing _right?

"No," Fuyumi's eyes widened, she reached for her brother, but her foot didn't dare to cross the invisible line, "Stop…_Stop_!"

"Dad, _I can't_!" It was hard to hear past the rage of fire.

But Enji heard and realized the boy was right. He was completely on his knees now, Touya. His arms were limp, blue fire coating his entire body. His hands were fine, the top half of his face left out of the commotion.

Touya couldn't, he never could. He never would. Enji internally sighed. Another dream, another goal down the drain.

He had wanted so much for his son.

Enji didn't stop. He would not keep a flawed ambition.

"_You'll __**kill**__ him!"_ Fuyumi shrieked, eyes watering.

'_I can't'_. The words were a broken record, playing_ over_ and _over_ in Enji's head. The man let his fire grow hotter, it mingled with Touya's; it was hard to tell which embers belonged to who.

Burning flesh overwhelmed Enji's senses, the smell was vomit-inducing, the sight disturbing. How unkind, life was, to let fire touch every inch of Touya's body except his face. Enji knew he would think of red hair, electric eyes, and an open mouth with blue pumping up a throat.

_I can't._

Enji's eyes narrowed, his face solemn.

"_**Then burn**_." He said.

The screams quieted.

* * *

Todoroki Enji swore up and down regret never filled his head, his thoughts, his heart.

He would not allow it _(but that tiny voice in the back of his head reminds him that regret is there, pushing at the door, hollering so awfully spit was flying out of its mouth)._

He threw the boy in a ditch behind his house late at night, waiting until early in the morning and dialing the authorities, telling them his son was burnt to a crisp.

Except, the body was missing.

He told the rest of his children he buried Touya. None of them believed him.

Rei didn't learn her son was dead until years later, Enji never had the heart to tell her.

Natsuo stayed out more, saying he was at a friend's house, sometimes Enji allowed it, sometimes he got fed up.

Fuyumi underwent another one of her bouts of stupidity, being quiet and somber.

Shouto told him he hated him more than he already had. Shouto told him everything was his fault. Enji doesn't mind the child, things are rarely, if ever, his fault.

The child refuses to use his fire after, it makes Enji so angry he locks Shouto in his room for a week and tells him to reconsider his decision. Of course, the boy is stubborn, and Enji is forced to let him out without results.

Eventually, Enji comes to terms with the fact Shouto is going to be more difficult than Touya was. It leaves a bittersweet taste in Enji's mouth, for reasons he does not care enough to explore.

He tells Shouto Touya killed himself. Shouto doesn't believe that, either.

The only inspiring that happens during this time is All Might sustaining a detrimental injury. Enji had a scare, he's glad the man isn't crippled or dead. The incident pushes him to go forward, it tells him time goes on.

Enji already knows this, but the reminder is appreciated.

* * *

Todoroki Enji didn't think he'd ever see the day Shouto makes _friends_.

It's quite agitating; he told the boy relationships were distractions. Having the boy attend school, U.A, was necessary. Making _friends _wasn't.

But Enji allows it, the kids seem to be pushing the boy towards his future. If Shouto using his fire at the sports festival was any indication.

The dangers also seemed to help Shouto grow. Such as the U.S.J incident or even Kamino Ward.

_(Enji remembers electric eyes and old scars and blue in a throat, but the hair is black, and so he writes it off.)_

The green-haired brat is quite unwanted, so is the blonde kid that seems to have an obsession with beating his son.

The only civilized adolescent Enji believed existed was the Yayorozu girl. She came from a nice line and had an admirable quirk. A good enough future wife for his son.

Natsuo had moved out for college, the boy had no access to Todoroki finances (he lost the privilege at seventeen when he jeopardized the family name) and so Enji was curious as to how the boy afforded it- but left well enough alone.

He and Shouto never did get along, Shouto had only gotten angrier at Natsuo for leaving. Natsuo already felt guilty and leaned on his default reaction to become defensive and then hit back. The silver-haired boy felt Shouto was bratty and spoilt and sheltered. They were weak insults to contradict the hurt feelings.

The two _did _have their moments. Every blue moon.

Fuyumi still lived at home, working her job as a teacher happily. At least it was something she was good at.

Enji spends his free time checking on Rei. He never spoke to her, only told the workers at the front desk his name and found her room. Staring into the window, the window that gave him access into the life she had.

Enji could tell from a simple glimpse the woman was doing much better, every time he looked at her he recognized a woman inside of her he hadn't seen since he met her.

It's interesting.

The man had a lot of time, in his older age of forties. It seemed his responsibilities were farther and his goals closer.

It was so close, it left him in a comfortable state, knowing that things were where they needed to be.

But Enji learned from his mistakes and did not let himself feel secure. Things could get moved around at any given time, and Enji needed to be ready.

It took time for Enji to adjust, he was used to the presence of his three children. The quiet was welcomed.

There's a small bubble of pride, meant for all three of his children. They'd done well.

Todoroki Enji catches alight when he becomes the Number 1 hero.

When news gets out that the _oh-so-loved_ symbol of peace is backing down and stepping away from his golden coated throne as number one, Enji is drowning in dread.

He is not happy, not pleased. Not all those things clown with microphones and cameras ask him if he is.

The bastard, All Might, retired- and it isn't a win. No, Enji is still forever stuck as number two, he was not the strongest.

But Enji is still fighting, dumps the rest of his dreams onto Shouto, the last gleam of light shining down into his darkness. Number one, _this _number one is not enough. It never will be.

Enji is determined.

* * *

Todoroki Enji, deep inside, in the unknown, untouched part of his soul, knows why he is the way he is.

Enji knows why he is selfish.

Why he fishes for attention.

Why he hates that no one understands him.

Why he's so hard on his children, on himself.

Only when he's second from dying by the hands of his own mistakes, does Enji understand every reason as to why he hates himself.

It had seemed like a simple mission. The way the chief described it made it sound like a simple search and check. The police were finally inspecting the League of Villains' former hideout, after much unneeded consideration.

It had been almost five years since One for All was taken into custody, and Enji was happy to find out what he could use against the villains.

But it wasn't that simple. Enji should have known.

He was the first to walk in.

Confident and slightly excited, Enji strode into the area, ready to look over and find something the police missed, find something that could end the war between Heroes and Villains once and for all.

He was ready and then he wasn't. Enji wasn't ready for a purple and black veil of energy to form in front of him.

That man-with black hair and old scar walks out, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders sagged.

Enji is on guard immediately and doesn't call for back up, because he can handle it. This scrawny man was nothing compared to him. Enji knew his quirk. He knew this man was powerful but Enji wasn't fazed.

The Villain throws his arm out towards him and Enji dodges a wave of blue heat, but curses and grits his teeth when the butt of a cigarette in shoved into his left eye.

Enji, from the right side of his vision, can see the man is grinning. A puff of smoke crawls of out his lips and with comes blue. Enji is put on edge.

"Payback." The man explains, gesturing to the eye that is currently burning from within Enji's socket.

"I mean, I think you know but I was _really _angry about the smoking thing. Couldn't just ground a kid? Or at least give him a warning before you shove a burning stick through his eyeball?"

Enji grunts and sends a fireball towards the enemy. The man easily counteracts it with one of his own.

"Yikes, your getting old. That flaming beard of yours is a little duller. Try some de-aging cream, I'm telling you it works wonders."

Enji growls, what audacity.

The older man reads his situation, odds are not exactly in his favor.

The space is small, which doesn't leave much room for wide or long-range attacks, which is Enji's specialty. He could try and fight hand-to-hand, but the boy admittedly had hotter fire, and that disadvantage was too great of a risk.

Enji could try escaping- but running away isn't ever an option. Enji doesn't even consider the exits.

Keeping defense was the best decision, but it wouldn't do much. His fie wasn't hot enough to provide much protection. Even if Enji used Hellfire, the move was better for attacks. His body couldn't handle the heat for long amounts of time.

Enji decides to alternate between defending and attacking. He needed to find the man's weaknesses first before he could plan an effective attack.

"Something on your mind?" Another wave of fire, wide enough that it leaves so room for escape. Enji hisses at the pain.

"That won't do," the villain moves closer, "I want you right here, old man."

Enji shouts and releases miniature fireballs, some of them are blue. The man either deflects the attack or withstands it. Enji is mortified.

Of course, the mortification molds into a familiar anger.

"Who are you!?" Enji demands to know the answer.

Electric azure eyes meet his own, "Well, to most I'm Dabi. But I should be different, to you." The man is coming closer, he is set ablaze.

Enji is being backed into a corner.

"You must_ really_ be getting old, " the man chuckles, "I thought you had the sharpest mind? Whether or not I look like a burnt potato, you should have figured it out by now…"

Enji is feeling apprehension, because- _no_. He was _dead_.

"The son you abused and overworked only to toss away? The second choice? The one you murdered!" His relaxed, delighted expression was melting into one of rage and acidity.

Enji fights off a bout of blue flames. His heat is rising to Hellfire, but he doesn't care. Anything to fight this nightmare off.

Enji knows this is being broadcasted, knows the walkie-talkie on his shoulder is hearing everything.

"I'm the guy you sent into a coma. The one you called a failure, the mistake. I'm the kid you told the press killed himself, the one you lied about. The one you pretended to cry for, the one you covered up because no has to know, _right_? I'm your first child, _dad_."

Enji can feel his skin peeling off, he knows he's reached his limit.

He never stops at his limit.

"Those are pretty good hints, I think. Ready to guess?" Dabi is animalistic and crazed.

"_Who am I_?"

Enji is determined and he's fighting hard. Heat is meeting every corner, consuming every atom of oxygen. Enji is pushing so hard.

"Say it!" The man yells, inching closer every second. The bar, what was left of it, is falling to ashes black and smeared.

"_No," _Enji growls out. He absolutely refuses.

His first son, the one he put his faith into, the one he almost loved. He would not utter the name, it would not flow from his lips. Trying to say it on a regular day felt like hacking up rocks. Enji is standing there, struggling to breathe, and he wonders why this has come back to bite him. It's ironic and not very funny.

"_**Say it!"**_

Enji swears it flashed white right before the blue flames exploded like a star. The force kicks Enji back into a stone wall, and all he remembers of that moment was the consuming feeling of _defeat_.

Enji thinks or how he is, of what he's done. He thinks of the monster he's created he feels sad. Not sorry, not regretful; just _sad_.

Enji might have felt that he could've been better for his mother, he thinks that maybe he shouldn't have cared about what his father thought of him so much.

Enji considers that maybe it was wrong of him to push his ambitions onto his children, it came from a place of want. For himself and for them.

It's sad that this is all his child lived for; maybe Shouto was right. Maybe it was Enji's fault.

But Enji won't let himself forget that everyone else brought it upon themselves too, and maybe his expectations had been a little too high. A little too much.

"Say it." His son is standing over him, and the boy looks tuff and cold and broken but Enji knows better. He knows his children. He recognizes the hurt and the suffering that is swimming in those cerulean orbs and Enji is sad.

"Touya." He whispers, because the boy doesn't deserve it, but he needs it.

"I hate you." The voice is deeper than he remembers, when he listens closely. "So, _so_ much."

It doesn't hurt, as much as it should. Not at all.

There's pain circling his every nerve but Enji keeps his eyes open. "I did it all for the both of us. For Shouto, too. I wanted something for you, son."

It's silent for a moment and Enji is left to stare at the flame glazed palm in front of his face. Although, Enji is positive he hears a '_for you, Shouto'_.

The man, with rose-colored locks, still feels the lion in his chest fighting. Roaring and scratching trying to make its way into his head and out of his throat and out of its cage.

But the tiny, idiotic voice is in the forefront of his mind now, and now Enji can see clearly.

Everything, every memory, every emotion is raw and new, and Enji is thankful.

He'd ultimately thank Touya if he could, for freeing him from the torture that is himself. For giving him the ability to let go of his dreams without heartache or familiar, wretched anger.

"_**Liar.**__" _

He's met with a face full of _fire _and the pain is already there, but he still screams. He hears cackling, a deranged cackling and Enji is sick to his stomach.

He would die number two, he would die not being good enough. Not being the best. Enji would die without seeing the product of Shouto, he would_ die_.

Enji doesn't want to die, but that tiny voice cutting through his thoughts is telling him 'it's okay'. It's telling him to be grateful, to feel relief for finally, _finally_ an exit.

Enji suddenly remembers he's human and let's go. This is what he deserves.

_Liar_, Enji hears and he thinks-

_Perhaps_.

And Enji is engulfed in flames.

* * *

**And scene. We all know fighting Enji would never be that easy but, dagnabbit, I was wanting to get this done and lost all my logical effort. Laziness is a disease, I tell you.**

**And can Shotuo vs. Natsuo become cannon? Like, I really want some ill-will and angst there and I don't know why it just feels right.**

**The last few parts of this were utter chicken dukey but *shrug* let's ignore it and be happy. I'm proud of myself for turning what was supposed to be a 2,500 word story into **_**that- **_**but x4.**

**Not bad for my first in the fandom, ay?**

**And before someone says something, no I am not defending Enji. He is a abusive, bad-tempered, angry; an overall monstrous man and I wanted to take a look at where the human parts of him turned into something more sick. A lot of abusers work this way (some don't), but it's a common factor for them to have been a victim or felt pressured or overwhelmed by one feeling. Enji dealt with both. I literally just wanted to do it from **_**bad-guy-but-not-really**_** point of view and I know I'm screwing over facts and Dabi is so ooc but whatever! I'm a wonderful writer blah**_**(empowerment)**_**blah.**

**Enough wasting time; hit that fav, review, and/or follow! Or do nothing I honestly don't care.**

*******Question of the Day****: **_**Is using the word 'cringe' cringey**_**? ***

**P.M me! I'll talk to you later, boos'.**

**Love**_**, R.A**_


End file.
